Monday, December 28, 2009

Happy little potato

I'm feeling very positive right now. Odd, because nothing is really going on...I'm not in a show, and have no prospects. I don't have a boyfriend, and have no prospects. I don't really have any plans...

And i'm very xanax about the whole thing. Hah.

I'm not saying I don't have goals, I have mainly the same goals as i've had the majority of my adult life - I'm just not interested in thinking badly of myself if those things don't materialize right away.

As I write this i'm sitting in my nearly empty office following holiday break, no one has really returned to work this morning (which was fine because I got a seat on the bus and there was no traffic.) I have no makeup on and pimples showing, my pants are rolled up because I took off my heels and I'm wearing new fuzzy snowflake socks from Christmas.

Where has this zen been all along?


I think I'll take a bath and clean my apartment tonight.

Q: ZEN for the future?


Love,

Jennifur




Sunday, November 22, 2009

Risk

I'm not a gambler.
And I think it may be holding me back.


In order to get somewhere in the theatre world you've got to make an investment.
(Hard part)
In yourself.
And despite what all the online-college ads on the subway say this is not a sound investment. Its extremely risky.
As an actor not only do I need to pour exorbitant amounts of money in honing my craft (acting classes, dancing classes, singing lessons, therapy). I also have to invest the extremely fleeting pleasures of head shots, travel to exotic audition sites like Virginia, and let's just say it-- putting on my own full productions. Then I must invest my time-- and all of it that I can spare -- into promoting myself, shamelessly networking, new project upon new project that will crash, burn, and embarrass my parents.

And to be a "success" it all comes down to the biggest dice roll of all: luck.

Did I meet the right people? When I dug deep inside myself did I turn up enough talent? Was my motivation able to withstand all the feelings of smallness and rejection ?

Then: Did I ultimately get what I wanted? A satisfying alternative? Or was all this work for just another low paying job I hate?

I take measured risks. Yes, I'll take my savings and 3 months and go by myself to Europe. I'll play a round of poker (no buy-ins). I'll take on a doomed, tortured love affair just to see how it plays out. But I'm guaranteed something. Not safety... for life, limb, or pocketbook. But an experience.
I'm given no such promise here.

If I return my life to the hassled pace I lived in high school and college what will I get in return?
Its true that now I'm doing too little. I'm barred by my fear of being barred. I think much too much about what I'm not doing and much too little about what I could be doing.

But I want to know. Before I pour my sands of time into one hour glass. That it won't just be a frantic, stressful, harried race to nowhere.

XOXO
Kisses and soul-crushing doubts,
Becki

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

We bends to trends!

I will not list the price, but I didn't break the bank...
Pretty red lining...

I think Michael would like it...


Leather, for reals!


And attitude.


Becki, we are not messing around with FALL. Needs we get together before it's too cold for a photo op?
-J







$27 Bomber Jacket


I bought this at Easy Pickins in Astoria, NY.
Thanks to the no-tax on non-lux clothes it was $26.99 precisely.
It is 10% polyurethane. That's what my parents used to cover our hardwood floors.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

on Not Acting


A bit of a downer - maybe not the same kind of hilarious literary frolicing one might come to expect from this little blog of wonder. I'm in an ugly part of my Artist's Way right now, methinks, mehopes it's just that.

SO I prepped for this Romeo and Juliet audition today that I was going to crash because this girl can't even get appointments anymore for auditions; and they are turning us away. Finally an audition i'm confident and excited about and I can't even get in. Boo Hiss Grr.

This led me to the slippery slope where I look down at my recent past and try to pinpoint the last big thing, see how long i've been in the lurch. I was last cast (and this was a non-speaking role mind you - puppets) in a production that opened in May of 2008. I got the call that I was cast in said production in February of 2008. We are now 3 mos away from February of 2010. That will mark the 2 year anniversary of my being an out of work actor.

Hopefully all of the recent change in my life will bring about change in this arena too. Hopefully the losing the boyfriend, hopefully the losing the weight, hopefully the new shiny headshots, hopefully the new friends, hopefully the new and numerous acting classes will provide some kind of boost so I can bust through this wall i've been banging my head against for the past 2 years. I HOPE.

I know there's nothing for me to do but keep plugging and striving and improving myself but i'm getting exhausted, you can only run for so long before the final destination seems too far and you need to lay in the grass.

Maybe I'll grant myself the gift of some lawn time.

Can I do that? I hope.


Sulk Sulk,

Jennifur


Monday, November 2, 2009

Update


This is neither a quandary nor a query just a fact -


Jennifur is now single. That's right, look out.

::Now put your hands up! Oh Oh Oh, Oh Oh, OH OH, Oh oh, Oh Oh Oh!::

::All the Single Ladies, All the Single Ladies, All the Single Ladies, All the Single Ladies::

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Cute Coupleds with Coveted Curves - or - what a shitty time to be in relationships?




Too TOO TOO unfortunate to let this beautiful blog lie dormant for so long - I apologize my Becks!

I felt it was time to write a little update before we see each other for our next big bff bash. I look forward to seeing you and all those fun things we'll do! Facebook is going to lose its shit when it sees how freaking hot we ladies are looking these days.




So I suppose the real query is, "Why couldn't we look this good when we were patroling for the men folk in the past?"
Love and Dove, Ab and Fab,
Jennifur




Friday, April 24, 2009

How to get a Girlfriend. Or several!


I'm on the prowl. For girlfriends.  

My dear friend, who has also made other astute suggestions (Get a therapist!) made a point to me the other day. She said, "You know what you need is a good group of girl friends." 
And I think she is right. (She is also right about the therapist...but that will have to wait for a day with insurance.)
I have a little group: a girl and a gay. We meet up once or twice a week for drinks, karaoke and/or whatever fun-ish thing  we saw in Time Out. But at the end of the summer the girl is moving. My go-to girl is going away. 
I have other friends, friends who I love, enough to make a point of seeing once a month. At least! But the really close girlfriendships  I have right now are all pretty far away. My sister, Jennifur, astute friend...
I am (or have been) very close with my boss. But being besties with a 45 year old woman who pays your bills has its limitations. 
Anyway,  I'm looking to meet someone new. Or even better someones. But I'm not really sure how to go about it. Most of the people from my improv group live in Brooklyn and therefore are out (jkay!). And I feel like most of my once-a-month friends already have close groups (from work or college) that I couldn't really fit into.
This is my query. There you have it Universe.

Lonely lips and quips, 
Becki

Monday, February 9, 2009

Q:Q: Poo Poo

Congratulations, Eastern and Central timers of the northernish regions! It's 50 degrees outside!!!
Pet owners must be of one big brain hub when it comes to cleaning up after their pets, and that's: mess is only mess if it looks like a mess. All snowy winter I see, otherwise responsible dog owners, who would otherwise pick up their puppy's poopie, leave the load sitting in the snowbank to freeze. It seems like a good idea; the cold will eliminate the smell almost immediately, no one will really step in it because it's in the snow bank off to the side of the walk, and a fresh sprinkling of snow will likely bury the terrific turd in a matter of hours or days....UNTIL...the first big melt of the season and it's like poop-island out there! I don't know how it is in other cities, but in chicago people only clear one shovels-worth of snow, a teeny tiny, single file path of visible sidewalk with which to walk through the snow, so when you let your dog poop just to the side of it, when the snow melts it's all over the actual sidwalk! and from the looks of it, these are coming from some pretty big dogs, not to mention the owners likely only take the lovelies out half as often in the frigid winter, so the loads are atleast twice as big.

Query: What's up with the shitty sidewalks
Quandry: My winter boots may never be clean again.

Oh Crap,
Jennifur

Friday, January 23, 2009

A month later I'm getting to my New Year's post. So much for resolutions.

I've been sort of negative about 2008. And to get out of that mind set I came up with this list:

Reasons 2008 Didn't TOTALLY Blow:

Started Improv classes at UCB. 

Went to lux hotels with J-Rod* (* not his real name)

Moved into a new and better and cheaper apartment without having a breakdown... well only a small one

Curbed my drinking habits from total drunk to occasional partaker/total lightweight.

Saw my family 3 times

Dated a couple people

Started THIS Blog!

Learned to Sew!

Learned to edit (extremely basic home) videos!

Saw two of the people I love most, who are also usually very tragic singletons like myself, fall in love. Not with each other. The point is it makes me hopeful. I'm that much closer to not dying alone.  

And to help me move forward with vigor I wrote this list: 

2009 Monthly Challenge (Instead of resolutions... that way you don't have to do them all at once.)

Jan: Learn to Crochet. I chose this for the first month because I've already done it. I finished this stripy, spring-ish scarf. It was very optimistic of me. I can't really wear it yet because it is too horribly cold. I want to learn some new stitches and how to crochet flowers. But I've got the basic stitch down and I made something...so mission accomplished. 

Feb: Depend on Teen Vampire Romance Escapism to get me through the cold and the terrifying work schedule. (i.e. I'm reading Twilight. No judgement. I cave easily to peer pressure.) I have to confess I'm 3/4th of the way through the first one. But my supplier...err...friend has the first four books so I figure I can continue on until either they aren't enough or until I spend my friday nights online discussing what will happen next with pre-teens.
 
Mar: Learn about Podcasts. Mostly learn how to download them to my Ipod. And which ones are worth listening to. And then listen to them. All month long.

Apr:  Learn to play and sing "Le Festin" (the theme song from Ratatouille and the happiest little French song on the block). On the guitar. I want to have a cool and cheery go-to song. Because now the only ones I could play and sing from memory are Don't Think Twice by Bob Dylan and For My Lover by Tracy Chapman. Which both imply that I spend a lot of my time crying in my room over boys. 

May: Volunteer. I have a friend who in spite of having a full time corporate job and stage managing regularly for a reputable theatre company IS ALWAYS doing crap like coaching an underprivileged peewee football team or spending Saturdays reading books for recordings for the blind. I'm tired of being an asshole. And also, I want to be a good person. So I can stop feeling bad about never giving money to the beggars.

June: Sign up and run 3 or 4 5ks. I used to run. One summer in high school. I was on the cross country team for... at max and month and a half. But I have been trying to reclaim that part of myself that I was impressed with even then- by running 3 miles when I go to the gym. I think this goal will help motivate me to continue doing that.

July: Write a 5 minute stand-up bit. Have my friend Fish help proof and coach it. Perform it at an open mike. This is the most challenging challenge by far. And will most definitely end in humiliation...but I'm going to do it anyway.
 
Aug: Try to watch ALL of Bette Davis's movies. I need to take a real acting class. And this is a sort of addition or reminder of that goal. I seem to get scolded a lot for being an actress and having never seen whatever-classic-movie-is-being-named-at-the-moment. I want to get better versed on the "greats" and Bette Davis seems like a good place to start.  

Sept- Dec: I'll keep you posted. I don't want to decide TOO much in advance. Surely 8 months will give me enough time to stir up some new interests. 

Love and baby farts, 
Becki

Monday, January 12, 2009

Milkshake (now available in NY, and Chicago style...)


Hi Beck!

Love those boots, meow.

Speaking of meow, I thought I might do us the TwoThousandFine favor of checking in on our celebrity body project - and the Golden Globes last night provided just he opprotunity...

(Oooh girls, you look good)

So, this is the year. This is the year that we prove that beautiful people have better lives than the rest of us. With abs tight, and noses high we will prevail.

I will be calling you to check-in. Hot babes...go!

Love,

Jennifur (Lopez)

Friday, January 9, 2009

Do I love these or am I just lonely?

I had no idea items at online stores came with their own code for posting on blogs! I hope this works. Also, am I just lonely? You can tell me.

I Like:

RD5102 by Durango at Zappos.comRD5102
by DurangoZappos.com - Powered by Service


P.S. They would go with my banjo skirt....

XOXO
Becki