HyperVent - HyperFun!

Becki!
I think that maybe you should do it at home (of course talk to the other birfday girl/roommate asap though).Reasons this is good:

1.) You're already home -you can be as bad as you wanna be. (Instead of, "I live upstairs..." It would be, "I live right here!" Sexy.
2.) If you build it, they will drink. Taking a step into the more adult phase of your life, provide some serious booze to your party as a present to yourself. How about a mix-your-own-martini-bar? What about pitchers of birthday themed mixed drinks?? "B.S 25th Edition" cocktail? "Schmirfday Cider"? "Astoria Euphoria"?
3.)Joint B-day parties extend your circle of friends, and even though everyone knows there are twice as many guests because of the duality they fail to place it correctly and subconciously assume you're twice as popular as you actually are! Great!
4.)There are so many great themes that you can do in the privacy of your own home. For example: make yourself "The Bachelorette" and insist admission to your party is a single rose! Or: Have a painting party, buy a large canvas and put it on an easle or table with cloth, draw a theme out of a hat, put it above the painting and let creativity rule. Drunk is art and art is drunk.
5.) You can order pizzas and then tell everyone that the delivery boy is a really a stripper, salivate over the awkwardness as the boy runs away. Yes. Hilarious.
6.) Call me from your bedroom and tell me how it's going. We'll have a birthday together one year, Becki dear...

OR
Take everyone to a karaoke bar, and insist that all songs be dedicated to you. Maybe strangers will start sending you drinks...

Happy Happy Happy Birthday!
Love!
Jennifur

Birthday Hyperventilating!

Ok. I need help.

Next Monday is my birthday. My 25th birthday.

I am somewhat notorious for throwing lame-o parties. Last year at my party at the Beer Garden my 3 guests (+1 I'd never met) sat/stood for close to an hour under about a foot and a half of shelter in torrential rains.  Year before that my 2 guests (not including my sister) were an hour late. We drove over an hour to see Talladega Nights at the drive-in ... only to follow it up with a stint at the bar with my ex-boyfriend,  who felt it necessary to spend the entire night trying to apologize for being in love with someone else. Not that that was news, but I had spent all summer sulking about it so it was exactly what I had hoped to forget about on my birthday. On my 16th birthday my parents threw me a "surprise" party... though I'm not really sure which part of it they thought would be a surprise because we went over to my grandmother's  every Sunday and since it was my birthday I fully expected there to be cake. 

I mean, I've been to good parties.... but I don't think I've thrown a good birthday since my sister and I had joint swim-parties. Which actually sounds like it might be fun again. Too bad we live so far apart.

Ok. That brings us to THIS YEAR. My birthday is on a MONDAY. The place I wanted to have it is randomly CLOSED. I realize some of my problem is that I have a penchant for trying to throw things together at the absolute last minute.

SOME OPTIONS:

FIND A BAR>

Pros: Good possibility to Monday night drink specials, little preparation.

Cons: Don't have any bar in particular in mind, might not be as me-centered.

>Astoria (close by, can rule bar; getting to Queens is a pain for some) 

> vs. Manhattan (more people might show, bar might be cooler; but LES is a pain for me)

DO IT AT HOME>

Pros: I have a roof that could possibly be utilized, I want my friends to meet my apartment.

Cons: Party planning, its my roommates birthday too (possibly a pro?).

>Should I have a theme?

> What will we do if all the talking comes to a stop at one moment and we're all bored and maybe we need an activity??!

I don't want to put too much pressure on this. But I CANNOT have another shitty birthday. And I really need to send out e-vites 2-nite.

Smooches and pooches,

Becki

Beer is not an accessory w/ THIS

I don't intend for this to sound as mean as it may come off.

But stop with the skin tight Jersey dresses people!

It shows everything, honestly you look better naked...I can see your belly button, rolls, butt crack, underwear, freckles and innnermost thoughts.

We can do better than this.

(unless you're a personal trainer or something, in which case, go ahead.)

I just had to get that off my chest.

Jennifur

(who hides her fat like a lady)

Stalking Isabella Rosellini

So many topics, so little time.

Let's fold the napkins, light the candles, set the plates, and kiss the patrons shall we?

::record skips::

Oh yeah, that's right, so I guess this qualifies as a quandry (slang spelling).

Whilst out at a birthday dinner party at a favourite restaurant of mine in

town, I will not name the restaurant, nor the genre for sake of protecting identities in this rather sensitive story (but I am not above telling you that tacos were consumed at this establishment).

Well, we'd all settled in and planted our rears when who from the kitchen should sparkling appear? It was that waiter, you remember the one, said we looked like celebrities and wished us good fun.

Not only did this waiter recount the entire, BeckiJennifur meal we'd had so many weeks ago to the entire table of 10 love, but also went into grave details about, his "dead friend in Chelsea" to the BIRTHDAY PARTY!!! (not the best dinner conversation). In addition to this embarrassing scene he fawned over how beautiful I was encouraging the table to join in on the compliment fest, while ignoring the birthday girl who looked so very glamorous herself in her birthday outfit.

The perfect meal (and slow slow service) were rounded out with the waiter, let's call him "Cob" asking my boyfriend permission to kiss me (which he did not give, btw), and then sliding into the seat next to yours truly and giving me a big, starstruck fan, eager kiss on the temple, then skipping away like some sort of 6'3" Latino keebler elf.

Isabella Rosellini would not have put up with this.

(Can anyone understand this blog but you, Becki dear?)

Insight and Salsa,

Jennifur

The Elephant in the Room

Nah, I don't see it.

I feel it is possible that we've been neglecting to post because we haven't wanted to broach a certain, sensitive issue.  Its time to come clean. Cyberspace deserves at least that much.  

One day, not too long ago, while sipping champagne on the terrace and attempting to google ourselves it came mine and Jennifur's attention that we did not spell "quandAry" correctly when creating this little brainchild of a blog.

 Look people, we are HUMAN... i.e. prone to mistakes that don't really need to be mentioned in polite company. H-U-M-A-N.  I, for one, have had several inappropriate personal relationships and Jennifur has been known to drop the occasional racial slur.  That's how human we are. And not only are we human: We are AMERICANADIANS. We don't back down just because we made a mistake. Once the rake is thrown there is nothing to do but stomp off in the most dramatic way possible and demand a raise in salary. 

Also, there is no changing the URL.

Raise the banner, 

Becki

To Be or Not to Be (part of a subpar production ...that you've already done)?

Not again. Or maybe one more time?
I assume, since its just you and me, that I can be a little specific here in my queries. Really I just want advice, Jennifur. And I'll probably call you tonight.

So last year I was part of a show which was collection of somewhat obscene monologues and improvisation. It was a good experience. I loved my cast (there were several different casts of the same production... it runs pretty much year round..the same show) and I was glad to be acting again. That is the extent of my theatrical works in New York. Yesterday, the same company called me  (they've done so before  for different shows or auditions for their "company" which you have to pay to be in) to ask if I was interested in auditioning for THE SAME SHOW I did before. I said I had already done the show and the girl tried to flatter me into thinking that I was one of the few that had been selected to be asked back ...to audition. (They totally blindfold themselves and throw their resumes on the floor to see who gets called.)Anyway,  I said "sure" and got an appointment slot. Why did I do this? I don't know. Now I have to decide whether to go or call and cancel. Because its tomorrow. Help!

Yours til the end of time,

Becki

This just in: Limes not just for Corona!

TRUTH:

Miller Lite Chill = Disgusting

Miller Lite w/lime = Delightful

BL (Bud Light Lime) = Gross

Bud Light w/lime = Gorgeous

...no salt needed.

What I learned on the 4th of July,

Jennifur

Jagged little Pill

More on the pill thing...

We take a pill designed by men, made through male-owned pharmaceutical companies, marketed through male-owned advertising firms, so that the man in our lives won't have to be nervous.

I think you should kill somebuddy Becki!

(Yes, I acknowledge it's a choice, and there are benefits, yadda yadda...)

and NO! I couldn't handle a pregnancy right now, back off! ...Dear God, please don't let me be pregnant...

Allow me to lay some science on you as I understand it:

The birth control pill uses hormones, either estrogen or progesterone to fool the body into thinking it is currently pregnant. When the body believes this it does not ovulate, thus eliminating the possibility of you conceiving at that time. Additionally because the body thinks it is pregnant (this may get a little graphic, fellas) it doesn't waste any time creating that big bloody gooey layer inside the uterus for the new zygote to attach to...it thinks it already has one attached, stupid uterus. Because the body has a thinner uterine lining when it finally sheds - due to the absence of hormone during the placebo phase of the pill cycle - the cramps should be less...

Should.

The period we have is not a period at all, it's the body's reaction to what it thinks is the loss of it's pregnancy, not that it's all emotional like that, but it's not a period, a period is the disposal of the unfertilized egg from the uterus. (Everybody learning?)

So Becki, you not only shouldn't really have cramps, but you shouldn't be having a bloody (pardon the pun) period at all!

Now, you may kill somebuddy...

No, really, I'll wait...

Good? Ok.

So, I guess the Query here is: What's the better option?

Uterus for life! (get it?)

Jennifur

For the Girls

QUERY:

If The Pill induces a fake period does it also induce fake cramps?

 If so, Imma hafta KILL somebuddy.

Eww. I just googled "funny uterus" and came up with all sorts of horrifying things.

I need a full-time job.

Love and ovaries,

Becki

Now, instead of a cozy apartment in the background, imagine a cold, hard NY city street!

Coulda been me.

First let me say, I have heartburn. No fault of yours. My own mistake. Never eat a meatless chick'n patty when you aren't hungry and directly before watching an entire movie laying with your laptop on your stomach.  I DO, however, blame you for our readership learning far too early not to trust us. Jenni-deceiver.

Now that you mention it I'm pretty sure you told me that story. So maybe that's why the scene sounded so familiar.  All the better for me as I will surely steal it as soon as I'm hard up for a joke.

The post was even more enlightening for the sunset picture. I'll admit it, I took stock of my life. 

Today I passed by the most popular homeless person in New York City. I saw her yesterday in the exact same spot and everytime  she is talking to someone who is clearly considering giving her money. It helps that she is 25, gorgeous, and not that dirty. Plus she has a cat. A streets to stardom inspirational biography waiting to happen. So. Unfair.

XOXO

Becki

I say I'm not crazy - You say I believe you... (TomaeTo/ToMAto)

Hi Becki! Hi loyal fans who would surely stalk us if they didn't have so much respect and admiration!

Way to get a jump start on the bloogiebloo.

Potential Quandry here:

I have been carrying this, "TomaeTo/ToMAHto" query around with me for some months, since one day in our kitchen I was rocking out to this Tomato/Tomato-nondistinctive, when my lover, let's call him "Dre" (as in, the Dr.), looked at me with utter horror, it was as if my brain had fallen out of my head, onto whatever respect he had for me, and smushed the basis of our relationship on the condo floor. I mean seriously, he either thought I was mentally handicapped or had gone off the deep end.

What I am saying is, I told him it was from a movie, and he said, "oh yeah..." then he asked me which one, and of course I couldn't remember, and now no one can remember!

So when you, your beau - let's call him "Fawn" (as in a baby deer), myself and Dre were discussing this over lunch the other day I couldn't help but feel that I was trapping you all in a big lie. I was struck by the strongest urge to laugh and point as you all as you tried to remember the origin of this phantom joke.

Sadistic or Brilliant? Honest query or internal quandry?

This might be a confession... then again, it might be me thinking I am the funny person when i'm actually stealing credit from a movie that was published long ago.

Ok, I feel a little better.

-Jennifur