Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Let me be your Spaniel


Thanks for the update Becki, sorry to hear you had a crash and burn Christmas...

So, here I am sitting at my job - which I love (mind you, not love like acting for Money, or becoming the next Stacey London...but happily tolerate, nonetheless!) I'm reflecting on 2008 as 200FINE fast approaches.

2008: (Becki, for you it was 200GREAT, right? For me it was more 200ATE - oh!) was a year of finding love, ditching my old I.T. job (random), getting really really fat, doing my first Equity show in Chicago, finding the apondo, falling in love with Barack Obama (Mr.President!), applying the "secret"(although, I do continue to blaspheme the secret by using it as a verb, "Secret that parking spot!" You wouldn't say, "Jesus that parking spot," no.) and submitting, humbly, to corporate america. There were some good times, there were some bad times, but all in all, I'd say adulthood is getting a little easier year after year. There wasn't a month this year that I was worried about making rent, I'm eating right(er), drinking responsibly, and even getting paid (a little bit) in my chosen field.


(Not Goals) Achievements for 2009 (get on the frequency of receiving):


-Real Role in REAL SHOW

-Wii Fit body (Merry Christmas)

-Great big 2 bedroom apartment

-$$$

-Grannie visits Chicago

-Feng Shui/Organized lifestyle

-Cheaper cellphone plan

-Strong committed comunicative relationship

-Lots of time with Friends

-2 New York trips!

-Blerg all the time

-Shamwow (wow!)

-and many more


Let the games begin.

Query:

Becks - what are your plans for New Years?


Love, and Freezing rain to you,

Jennifur


Friday, December 26, 2008


I take total responsibility for dropping the ball on this blog. Its my fault. Sorry everyone. 
Let's move on.
What to query about?
How the expense ratio of how much i pay for clothes v. how much it cost to dry clean said clothes = RIDICULOUS!?!?
Maybe another day. My $30 is already gone.
How about how I worked 40 hours Thanksgiving AND Christmas week? And then was given a t-shirt and soap instead of the $200 bonus I got last year? That's less of a query and more of a rant. (I am an ungrateful bastard... but I'm pissed).
Let's talk about 2009. For me, its twothousandMINE. MINEMineminemineminemine. For others, it might be 200WINE or 200PINE, or 200WHINE,WINE, & PINE.
Jennifur, I may get some flack for saying this but dump your boyfriend and move to New York! We could vlog and try to get famous the fast way! 
Ok, fine. I know your job pays better and your boyfriend actually exists so by all accounts I should come to you. But think about it.

Why does being around my parents always make me feel like I'm floundering with no direction or focus and will probably end up homeless and starving and feeling the bitter regret of a life unfulfilled?

There it is. Finally, there is my query.

Murry Krimmas ya Heath'ns,

Becki

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Here's to the Future



"If there is anyone out there who still doubts that America is a place where all things are possible; who still wonders if the dream of our founders is alive in our time; who still questions the power of our democracy, tonight is your answer.It's the answer told by lines that stretched around schools and churches in numbers this nation has never seen; by people who waited three hours and four hours, many for the very first time in their lives, because they believed that this time must be different; that their voice could be that difference.It's the answer spoken by young and old, rich and poor, Democrat and Republican, black, white, Latino, Asian, Native American, gay, straight, disabled and not disabled -- Americans who sent a message to the world that we have never been a collection of Red States and Blue States: we are, and always will be, the United States of America.It's the answer that led those who have been told for so long by so many to be cynical, and fearful, and doubtful of what we can achieve to put their hands on the arc of history and bend it once more toward the hope of a better day. It's been a long time coming, but tonight, because of what we did on this day, in this election, at this defining moment, change has come to America.I just received a very gracious call from Senator McCain. He fought long and hard in this campaign, and he's fought even longer and harder for the country he loves. He has endured sacrifices for America that most of us cannot begin to imagine, and we are better off for the service rendered by this brave and selfless leader. I congratulate him and Governor Palin for all they have achieved, and I look forward to working with them to renew this nation's promise in the months ahead.I want to thank my partner in this journey, a man who campaigned from his heart and spoke for the men and women he grew up with on the streets of Scranton and rode with on that train home to Delaware, the Vice President-elect of the United States, Joe Biden. I would not be standing here tonight without the unyielding support of my best friend for the last sixteen years, the rock of our family and the love of my life, our nation's next First Lady, Michelle Obama. Sasha and Malia, I love you both so much, and you have earned the new puppy that's coming with us to the White House. And while she's no longer with us, I know my grandmother is watching, along with the family that made me who I am. I miss them tonight, and know that my debt to them is beyond measure.To my campaign manager David Plouffe, my chief strategist David Axelrod, and the best campaign team ever assembled in the history of politics -- you made this happen, and I am forever grateful for what you've sacrificed to get it done.But above all, I will never forget who this victory truly belongs to -- it belongs to you.I was never the likeliest candidate for this office. We didn't start with much money or many endorsements. Our campaign was not hatched in the halls of Washington -- it began in the backyards of Des Moines and the living rooms of Concord and the front porches of Charleston.It was built by working men and women who dug into what little savings they had to give five dollars and ten dollars and twenty dollars to this cause. It grew strength from the young people who rejected the myth of their generation's apathy; who left their homes and their families for jobs that offered little pay and less sleep; from the not-so-young people who braved the bitter cold and scorching heat to knock on the doors of perfect strangers; from the millions of Americans who volunteered, and organized, and proved that more than two centuries later, a government of the people, by the people and for the people has not perished from this Earth. This is your victory.I know you didn't do this just to win an election and I know you didn't do it for me. You did it because you understand the enormity of the task that lies ahead. For even as we celebrate tonight, we know the challenges that tomorrow will bring are the greatest of our lifetime -- two wars, a planet in peril, the worst financial crisis in a century. Even as we stand here tonight, we know there are brave Americans waking up in the deserts of Iraq and the mountains of Afghanistan to risk their lives for us. There are mothers and fathers who will lie awake after their children fall asleep and wonder how they'll make the mortgage, or pay their doctor's bills, or save enough for college. There is new energy to harness and new jobs to be created; new schools to build and threats to meet and alliances to repair.The road ahead will be long. Our climb will be steep. We may not get there in one year or even one term, but America -- I have never been more hopeful than I am tonight that we will get there. I promise you -- we as a people will get there.There will be setbacks and false starts. There are many who won't agree with every decision or policy I make as President, and we know that government can't solve every problem. But I will always be honest with you about the challenges we face. I will listen to you, especially when we disagree. And above all, I will ask you join in the work of remaking this nation the only way it's been done in America for two-hundred and twenty-one years -- block by block, brick by brick, calloused hand by calloused hand.What began twenty-one months ago in the depths of winter must not end on this autumn night. This victory alone is not the change we seek -- it is only the chance for us to make that change. And that cannot happen if we go back to the way things were. It cannot happen without you.So let us summon a new spirit of patriotism; of service and responsibility where each of us resolves to pitch in and work harder and look after not only ourselves, but each other. Let us remember that if this financial crisis taught us anything, it's that we cannot have a thriving Wall Street while Main Street suffers -- in this country, we rise or fall as one nation; as one people.Let us resist the temptation to fall back on the same partisanship and pettiness and immaturity that has poisoned our politics for so long. Let us remember that it was a man from this state who first carried the banner of the Republican Party to the White House -- a party founded on the values of self-reliance, individual liberty, and national unity. Those are values we all share, and while the Democratic Party has won a great victory tonight, we do so with a measure of humility and determination to heal the divides that have held back our progress. As Lincoln said to a nation far more divided than ours, "We are not enemies, but friends…though passion may have strained it must not break our bonds of affection." And to those Americans whose support I have yet to earn -- I may not have won your vote, but I hear your voices, I need your help, and I will be your President too.And to all those watching tonight from beyond our shores, from parliaments and palaces to those who are huddled around radios in the forgotten corners of our world -- our stories are singular, but our destiny is shared, and a new dawn of American leadership is at hand. To those who would tear this world down -- we will defeat you. To those who seek peace and security -- we support you. And to all those who have wondered if America's beacon still burns as bright --tonight we proved once more that the true strength of our nation comes not from our the might of our arms or the scale of our wealth, but from the enduring power of our ideals: democracy, liberty, opportunity, and unyielding hope.For that is the true genius of America -- that America can change. Our union can be perfected. And what we have already achieved gives us hope for what we can and must achieve tomorrow. This election had many firsts and many stories that will be told for generations. But one that's on my mind tonight is about a woman who cast her ballot in Atlanta. She's a lot like the millions of others who stood in line to make their voice heard in this election except for one thing -- Ann Nixon Cooper is 106 years old.She was born just a generation past slavery; a time when there were no cars on the road or planes in the sky; when someone like her couldn't vote for two reasons -- because she was a woman and because of the color of her skin.And tonight, I think about all that she's seen throughout her century in America -- the heartache and the hope; the struggle and the progress; the times we were told that we can't, and the people who pressed on with that American creed: Yes we can. At a time when women's voices were silenced and their hopes dismissed, she lived to see them stand up and speak out and reach for the ballot. Yes we can.
When there was despair in the dust bowl and depression across the land, she saw a nation conquer fear itself with a New Deal, new jobs and a new sense of common purpose. Yes we can.When the bombs fell on our harbor and tyranny threatened the world, she was there to witness a generation rise to greatness and a democracy was saved. Yes we can.She was there for the buses in Montgomery, the hoses in Birmingham, a bridge in Selma, and a preacher from Atlanta who told a people that "We Shall Overcome." Yes we can.A man touched down on the moon, a wall came down in Berlin, a world was connected by our own science and imagination. And this year, in this election, she touched her finger to a screen, and cast her vote, because after 106 years in America, through the best of times and the darkest of hours, she knows how America can change. Yes we can.America, we have come so far. We have seen so much. But there is so much more to do. So tonight, let us ask ourselves -- if our children should live to see the next century; if my daughters should be so lucky to live as long as Ann Nixon Cooper, what change will they see? What progress will we have made?This is our chance to answer that call. This is our moment. This is our time -- to put our people back to work and open doors of opportunity for our kids; to restore prosperity and promote the cause of peace; to reclaim the American Dream and reaffirm that fundamental truth -- that out of many, we are one; that while we breathe, we hope, and where we are met with cynicism, and doubt, and those who tell us that we can't, we will respond with that timeless creed that sums up the spirit of a people:Yes We Can. Thank you, God bless you, and may God Bless the United States of America."


Barack Obama, President-Elect of the United States of America






Thursday, October 30, 2008

Mystery Pantyhose (ho's?)


Quandry: I have no clean pantyhose to wear to work this morning.

Query: Where did these great, grey opaque tights come from (no snags or other tell-tale signs of Jennifurness...)


I put on pantyhose this morning that I'm not positive are actually mine...

Are they yours Becki?


Oh dear.



-Jennifur


Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Blechk


I wish I could talk about chivalry but I am a mess when it comes to dudes and will settle for acknowledges that I exist and does not blow nose on me. 
I feel gross (possibly because I am coming down with a cold), and tired, and distracted, and anxious. Can we have a phone date this weekend, Jennifur? Of course, I'll have to get my phone issues sorted out since I killed mine this morning. So I suppose I'll call you. After a year and a half of being chewed on and thrown and placed suspiciously close to leaky bottles... it was a splash from my water bottle that made my phone decide it was enough for this world.  I hope I don't loose my pictures... or my funny text messages... or my ringtone! My mom is bringing me the "extra phone" tomorrow when she picks me up at the airport. 
My cousin's wedding is this weekend. I spent about $60 on a dress for it and $11 on a gift. In my defense, my parents already gave her some baking pans and Rachel Ray cookbooks with mine and my sister's names on the card. I bought her a set of 2 cereal bowls with scenes from Central Park on them from Fishs Eddy. They were 50% off but much cuter than the Manhattan skyline salt and pepper shakers I was considering. I am clearly not an adult and terrible at buying wedding gifts. Honestly, this is the first one I've bought. I have given two wedding cards however. Oh and tossed some money in a wedding money bowl.  Maybe by the time my close friends get married I will be more mature and capable of giving appropriately valuable and sentimental gifts. 

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Chevalier


QUERY: Where has all the chivalry gone? ( I do recognize that chevalier (horseman) and chivalry (non-existant in contemporary american society) do not mean the same thing - but go with me here...)



So i'm standing on the bus this morning on my way to work - downtown Chicago rush hour - not fun, but average. The stupid bus takes so long to arrive that I end up walking a few blocks north and boarding at the bus stop there in hopes of getting a seat, no such luck. Fortunately two stops in, right before we are going on the highway express, a mother and child get off the bus leaving two seats open right by me! Score! I try to inch by the mid-forties white male in suit to get my coveted seat, and say excuse me to the guy who is barely blocking my way (let me clarify that I was closer, and had been on the bus longer, and therefore more entitled to the golden glorious bus seat) seeing that my eyes were on the only remaining seat he looks at me, looks at the seat and slams himself into - then promptly goes to sleep. ( I don't believe he was actually asleep, i think he couldn't look me in the eye for the shame.)


Example 2: Men at work let me pour coffee and open doors for them...which would be fine if my work was waitressing - but it's not.

Opposite: In my acting class our instructor lugs a coffee maker, creamer, and cups from home (to make sure we can stay awake after a long day at work followed by a long night of acting.) I went to get coffee the other night, all I did was lift my cup, one of the fellows poured my coffee, the other the creamer, a different type of man. Interesting.


Query 2: Are artistic men more chivalrous than business men?
Query 3: Can business men be artistic?
Quandry 1: Why don't I have an artistic business man?
Take it Becki,
Jennifur

There could be more of these!

Saturday, October 11, 2008

The Videoblog


I am considering videoblogging my way through laser eye surgery. Here is a clip I made a few weeks ago on my Flip camera (not phone) ...mostly just to hear myself talk. And remember... there could be more of these!

(garr... can't get video to work right now... will try again later. in leu,  here is a picture of me as Drew Barrymore)




On a side  note, I've stopped hyperventilating about my ominous roommate brunch tomorrow. And mostly because I've been able to delude myself into thinking that either
 A) they want to do a room shuffle... and I'll get a bigger room!
or
B) one of them is moving out... and I'll get a bigger room. And my friend Hannah can move in!

Hey, it could happen.

Monday, September 22, 2008

Jeepers Creepers! (Where'd you get those peepers??)

Quite the query my lady!
I'd first like to point out that changing your peepers will not change what you see, but rather how you see it...(yess???)
This also might diminish any beer-google effects you may have enjoyed in the past, which while possibly immediately disappointing, could be better in the long run, (genetically speaking) in terms of your children. Afterall, I BELIEVE that children are our future...
Honestly I don't believe you'd come out of the experience blinded, so I do think it's totally worth it, if I couldn't see I would get the surgery. I know it's scary, but if Jessica Simpson can do it, so can you!!!

EYE love you,
Jennifur

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Queries Galore!

I just washed my hair at work. You can't tell me I don't have a great job.

I don't know about you Jennifur, but I'm doing really well on my quest to look like Drew Barrymore. I've been to the gym almost every morning before work and practically given up drinking. Hell, I even went to yoga last week! Needless to say my social life isn't what it used to be (most of my friends are alcoholics) but I'm saving tons of money not hanging out with people who don't pay for my shit.
But even with lengthening nail beds, I'm not a one woman super power. I have some serious queries... and I need your help.

First of all, I'm down to my last pair of contacts. I've been swearing to get the surgery ever since my attractive optomitrist told me I was "perfect" ... for it.

The Pros?
Never having to deal with contacts or glasses ever ever again. (Actually safer than sticking fingers in your eyes every day)
Save money in the long run.
I've seen a surgery. Its fast, its relatively non-threatening, and I feel good about the doctor/office that gave me a conseltation.
I'm SURE that I'll do it eventually. My mom can't wear her contacts anymore because of the cells that build up around where the contact lies (common in long term contact wearers). I've been wearing contacts since 7th grade.
I'm a "prime" candidate: age/ health/ condition of eyes-wise.

The Cons?
I'm scared. Its 30 second surgery. But its surgery.
Its expensive. Like $4000 to get the premium package (and who is going to take *less awesome vision* for $1000 dollars less for their ENTIRE life).
It could and probably will get cheaper as it becomes more common. However it may become more expesive first since the American dollar is about to become comparable to the peso.

So do I shell out $100 for another 6 months or so of contacts or go for it since I know I will someday get it done anyway and the sooner the better?

Also, they say that the next big financial group to crash is going to be Washington Mutual. My morning paper said, "Wamu is not long for this world." Ominous right??? All my money is in my WaMu checking and saving! Should I be worried?

Eeeek!

For Love or Money,

Becki

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

City Girls



Query: Just how much have we aged in the past 2.5 years?

Ahhhh...youth

Friday, September 5, 2008

I'll take Drew for 125 pounds.




I completely agree. It turns out that though dating does do wonders for my hygiene (I'm averaging MUCH closer to a shower a day now) it doesn't do that much for my physique. Except in the case of psychotic, overly critical boyfriends.... and I'm not allowed to have any more of those. Plus, I'm always in for a get skinny scheme. I'm gonna go with Drew... because I think she could pass for a BeckY

            
Skinny Bitch v.  Red Eyes of Envy -->


I would really rather look like Beyonce or Shakira but I will face the fact that I will never have an impressive waist no matter how thin I get .... and I lack the booty gene.

P.S. Is anyone else going to try to claim Daniel Radcliffe's virginity at parties? Cause I am.


Lies & Pies,

Becki

Thursday, September 4, 2008

More JennifER




Quandry: Trouble with motivation for losing weight.




Query: Becki, would you be interested in tracking our progress via this magic blog. Perhaps we could put a fun spin on it like - both pick a celebrity figure we admire and post side by sides of our progress.


My celeb comparison will be Jennifer Lopez (because, duh I'm Jennifur). I'll think positive, it's not that I need to LOSE weight, it's that I need to GAIN Jennifer Lopez.




Say yes?! Say Yes! and turn this query into a quandry no more!!!
Love and Hotness,
Fur






Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Friday, August 29, 2008

Date Night!

That's right.
I have a date tonight!
Can you believe it?!?


So I can finally put to use the rate-your-date journal Jennifur gave me for my birthday.

I am preparing by remembering my first date rule.

I solemnly swear that I will NEVER get drunk on the first date (again).

There, I feel good. I think the night is going to be a success.

In other news, I have lots more news. Just no time!

Hugs and shrugs,

Becki

Thursday, August 21, 2008

80's Child




The 80's is where we began and where we belong...


Sappy Sappy


Hey Becks (that's your street name)!


Let's call this copycat blog a tribute to you, rather than traditional girl-on-girl stalking, shall we?

More of a P (proclamation) than Q (quandry).


EVERYDAY I WOULD LIKE TO:

*Do something physically active/engaging

*Like what I see in the mirror

*Wear at least one exceptional item

*Love and be loved


EVERY WEEK I WOULD LIKE TO:

*Spend an entire afternoon outside

*Experience Art

*Talk to my family

*Learn something new (potentially blog about it...)


IN THE NEXT 3 MONTHS I WOULD LIKE TO:

*Get into "College-Level" physical fitness (this does not mean "Girls gone wild")

*Purchase a LCD flat panel T.V. (ohhhh yeahhhh)

*Finish decorating/organizing the apondo

*Do a good show!! Make a new contact


IN THE NEXT YEAR I WOULD LIKE TO:

*Act (a real role) in an Equity Show

*Complete my professional voiceover demo

*Strengthen and foster my friendships (be generous)

*Find and maintain a reasonable Zen


IN THE NEXT 3-5 YEARS I WOULD LIKE TO:

*Act full-time! (no more secretarial feminism)

*Get married

*Live in a gorgeous new condo - close to buses and trains

*Earn enough $ to live comfortably


BEFORE I DIE I WOULD LIKE TO:

*Have children (2, may the fights always be evenly matched...)

*Own a summer house and a winter house in 2 fantastic locations

*Really Really Really have fun! Like super fun, I'm talking stories!

*Have a puppy.
Kisses and Misses,
Jennifur

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Listing


Hey Fur and adoring fans. Sorry I've been MIA. But I also have been considering ways to become a better, more appealling/attractive human being.

I saw this *get yourself on the track to ultimate happiness* fill-in-your-own list in SELF magazine. There was a picture of a skinny girl swimming with dolphins ... so I filled it out.




Everyday I would like to...

*Do something active.
*Prepare a healthy meal.
*Ward against biting my nails. Probably by painting them.
*Write a paragraph, a sentence, a word, a punctuation, anything in my journal.


Every week I would like to...

* Update a blog or two.
* Go to an audition.
* Do some only-in-New York fun thing with my friends.
* Take a class. (Dance, yoga, writing, improv)


In the next 3 months I would like to...

*Organize and get into a stricter routine at work.
* Campaign in some way for Obama.
* Get new headshots/promo pictures.
* Start a tangible New York photo album 


In the next year I would like to...

* Get Lasek eye surgery.
* Make and post some sketch comedy videos.
* Get involved in some volunteer work.
* Get a theatre/creativity related job.


In the next 3-5 years I would like to...

* Backpack and take a Spanish language course in South America.
* Throw my parents a kick-ass 40th anniversary party.
* Date (really date) someone (who doesn't suck) for longer than 3 months.  Something that could be defined as a long-term relationship.
* Live somewhere beautiful. I want beaches. Or mountains. Or both.

Before I die I would like to...

* Have a vegetable garden (with blueberry bushes!)
* Run and manage a summerstock in my hometown.
* Write some songs and play them somewhere.
* Have a baby (let's just admit it).

Kisses and dreams, 
Becki

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Deliciously Thin



Oh Becki,
They've finally backed me into a corner. The pizza and beer was fun, but after two major auditions where I acted my ass off, only to get calls that they were, "going with a different type" aka "hotter than you" I'm back to steamed veggies and eliptical obession.
Wish me luck!
Shake Fattie and Rolls,
Jennifur

Monday, August 4, 2008

The day of DAYS!

Today, we celebrate Becki doing whatever the crap she wants to...
Happy Birthday!
Tonight, I celebrate my love for you,
Jennifur

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

HyperVent - HyperFun!


Becki!
I think that maybe you should do it at home (of course talk to the other birfday girl/roommate asap though).Reasons this is good:

1.) You're already home -you can be as bad as you wanna be. (Instead of, "I live upstairs..." It would be, "I live right here!" Sexy.
2.) If you build it, they will drink. Taking a step into the more adult phase of your life, provide some serious booze to your party as a present to yourself. How about a mix-your-own-martini-bar? What about pitchers of birthday themed mixed drinks?? "B.S 25th Edition" cocktail? "Schmirfday Cider"? "Astoria Euphoria"?
3.)Joint B-day parties extend your circle of friends, and even though everyone knows there are twice as many guests because of the duality they fail to place it correctly and subconciously assume you're twice as popular as you actually are! Great!
4.)There are so many great themes that you can do in the privacy of your own home. For example: make yourself "The Bachelorette" and insist admission to your party is a single rose! Or: Have a painting party, buy a large canvas and put it on an easle or table with cloth, draw a theme out of a hat, put it above the painting and let creativity rule. Drunk is art and art is drunk.
5.) You can order pizzas and then tell everyone that the delivery boy is a really a stripper, salivate over the awkwardness as the boy runs away. Yes. Hilarious.
6.) Call me from your bedroom and tell me how it's going. We'll have a birthday together one year, Becki dear...

OR
Take everyone to a karaoke bar, and insist that all songs be dedicated to you. Maybe strangers will start sending you drinks...

Happy Happy Happy Birthday!
Love!
Jennifur

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Birthday Hyperventilating!



Ok. I need help.

Next Monday is my birthday. My 25th birthday.

I am somewhat notorious for throwing lame-o parties. Last year at my party at the Beer Garden my 3 guests (+1 I'd never met) sat/stood for close to an hour under about a foot and a half of shelter in torrential rains.  Year before that my 2 guests (not including my sister) were an hour late. We drove over an hour to see Talladega Nights at the drive-in ... only to follow it up with a stint at the bar with my ex-boyfriend,  who felt it necessary to spend the entire night trying to apologize for being in love with someone else. Not that that was news, but I had spent all summer sulking about it so it was exactly what I had hoped to forget about on my birthday. On my 16th birthday my parents threw me a "surprise" party... though I'm not really sure which part of it they thought would be a surprise because we went over to my grandmother's  every Sunday and since it was my birthday I fully expected there to be cake. 
I mean, I've been to good parties.... but I don't think I've thrown a good birthday since my sister and I had joint swim-parties. Which actually sounds like it might be fun again. Too bad we live so far apart.

Ok. That brings us to THIS YEAR. My birthday is on a MONDAY. The place I wanted to have it is randomly CLOSED. I realize some of my problem is that I have a penchant for trying to throw things together at the absolute last minute.

SOME OPTIONS:
FIND A BAR>
Pros: Good possibility to Monday night drink specials, little preparation.
Cons: Don't have any bar in particular in mind, might not be as me-centered.
>Astoria (close by, can rule bar; getting to Queens is a pain for some) 
> vs. Manhattan (more people might show, bar might be cooler; but LES is a pain for me)
DO IT AT HOME>
Pros: I have a roof that could possibly be utilized, I want my friends to meet my apartment.
Cons: Party planning, its my roommates birthday too (possibly a pro?).
>Should I have a theme?
> What will we do if all the talking comes to a stop at one moment and we're all bored and maybe we need an activity??!

I don't want to put too much pressure on this. But I CANNOT have another shitty birthday. And I really need to send out e-vites 2-nite.


Smooches and pooches,
Becki

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Beer is not an accessory w/ THIS


I don't intend for this to sound as mean as it may come off.

But stop with the skin tight Jersey dresses people!

It shows everything, honestly you look better naked...I can see your belly button, rolls, butt crack, underwear, freckles and innnermost thoughts.

We can do better than this.

(unless you're a personal trainer or something, in which case, go ahead.)


I just had to get that off my chest.
Jennifur
(who hides her fat like a lady)

Monday, July 21, 2008

Stalking Isabella Rosellini



So many topics, so little time.




Let's fold the napkins, light the candles, set the plates, and kiss the patrons shall we?


::record skips::




Oh yeah, that's right, so I guess this qualifies as a quandry (slang spelling).




Whilst out at a birthday dinner party at a favourite restaurant of mine in
town, I will not name the restaurant, nor the genre for sake of protecting identities in this rather sensitive story (but I am not above telling you that tacos were consumed at this establishment).




Well, we'd all settled in and planted our rears when who from the kitchen should sparkling appear? It was that waiter, you remember the one, said we looked like celebrities and wished us good fun.




Not only did this waiter recount the entire, BeckiJennifur meal we'd had so many weeks ago to the entire table of 10 love, but also went into grave details about, his "dead friend in Chelsea" to the BIRTHDAY PARTY!!! (not the best dinner conversation). In addition to this embarrassing scene he fawned over how beautiful I was encouraging the table to join in on the compliment fest, while ignoring the birthday girl who looked so very glamorous herself in her birthday outfit.




The perfect meal (and slow slow service) were rounded out with the waiter, let's call him "Cob" asking my boyfriend permission to kiss me (which he did not give, btw), and then sliding into the seat next to yours truly and giving me a big, starstruck fan, eager kiss on the temple, then skipping away like some sort of 6'3" Latino keebler elf.




Isabella Rosellini would not have put up with this.


(Can anyone understand this blog but you, Becki dear?)




Insight and Salsa,


Jennifur



Saturday, July 19, 2008

The Elephant in the Room

Nah, I don't see it.

I feel it is possible that we've been neglecting to post because we haven't wanted to broach a certain, sensitive issue.  Its time to come clean. Cyberspace deserves at least that much.  

One day, not too long ago, while sipping champagne on the terrace and attempting to google ourselves it came mine and Jennifur's attention that we did not spell "quandAry" correctly when creating this little brainchild of a blog.

 Look people, we are HUMAN... i.e. prone to mistakes that don't really need to be mentioned in polite company. H-U-M-A-N.  I, for one, have had several inappropriate personal relationships and Jennifur has been known to drop the occasional racial slur.  That's how human we are. And not only are we human: We are AMERICANADIANS. We don't back down just because we made a mistake. Once the rake is thrown there is nothing to do but stomp off in the most dramatic way possible and demand a raise in salary. 

Also, there is no changing the URL.

Raise the banner, 
Becki

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

To Be or Not to Be (part of a subpar production ...that you've already done)?

Not again. Or maybe one more time?
I assume, since its just you and me, that I can be a little specific here in my queries. Really I just want advice, Jennifur. And I'll probably call you tonight.
So last year I was part of a show which was collection of somewhat obscene monologues and improvisation. It was a good experience. I loved my cast (there were several different casts of the same production... it runs pretty much year round..the same show) and I was glad to be acting again. That is the extent of my theatrical works in New York. Yesterday, the same company called me  (they've done so before  for different shows or auditions for their "company" which you have to pay to be in) to ask if I was interested in auditioning for THE SAME SHOW I did before. I said I had already done the show and the girl tried to flatter me into thinking that I was one of the few that had been selected to be asked back ...to audition. (They totally blindfold themselves and throw their resumes on the floor to see who gets called.)Anyway,  I said "sure" and got an appointment slot. Why did I do this? I don't know. Now I have to decide whether to go or call and cancel. Because its tomorrow. Help!

Yours til the end of time,
Becki

Monday, July 7, 2008

This just in: Limes not just for Corona!



TRUTH:

Miller Lite Chill = Disgusting

Miller Lite w/lime = Delightful

BL (Bud Light Lime) = Gross

Bud Light w/lime = Gorgeous

...no salt needed.

What I learned on the 4th of July,

Jennifur

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Jagged little Pill


More on the pill thing...


We take a pill designed by men, made through male-owned pharmaceutical companies, marketed through male-owned advertising firms, so that the man in our lives won't have to be nervous.

I think you should kill somebuddy Becki!


(Yes, I acknowledge it's a choice, and there are benefits, yadda yadda...)

and NO! I couldn't handle a pregnancy right now, back off! ...Dear God, please don't let me be pregnant...


Allow me to lay some science on you as I understand it:

The birth control pill uses hormones, either estrogen or progesterone to fool the body into thinking it is currently pregnant. When the body believes this it does not ovulate, thus eliminating the possibility of you conceiving at that time. Additionally because the body thinks it is pregnant (this may get a little graphic, fellas) it doesn't waste any time creating that big bloody gooey layer inside the uterus for the new zygote to attach to...it thinks it already has one attached, stupid uterus. Because the body has a thinner uterine lining when it finally sheds - due to the absence of hormone during the placebo phase of the pill cycle - the cramps should be less...

Should.

The period we have is not a period at all, it's the body's reaction to what it thinks is the loss of it's pregnancy, not that it's all emotional like that, but it's not a period, a period is the disposal of the unfertilized egg from the uterus. (Everybody learning?)

So Becki, you not only shouldn't really have cramps, but you shouldn't be having a bloody (pardon the pun) period at all!

Now, you may kill somebuddy...

No, really, I'll wait...

Good? Ok.


So, I guess the Query here is: What's the better option?


Uterus for life! (get it?)

Jennifur





For the Girls

QUERY:

If The Pill induces a fake period does it also induce fake cramps?
 If so, Imma hafta KILL somebuddy.

Eww. I just googled "funny uterus" and came up with all sorts of horrifying things.
I need a full-time job.

Love and ovaries,
Becki

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Now, instead of a cozy apartment in the background, imagine a cold, hard NY city street!


Coulda been me.

First let me say, I have heartburn. No fault of yours. My own mistake. Never eat a meatless chick'n patty when you aren't hungry and directly before watching an entire movie laying with your laptop on your stomach.  I DO, however, blame you for our readership learning far too early not to trust us. Jenni-deceiver.

Now that you mention it I'm pretty sure you told me that story. So maybe that's why the scene sounded so familiar.  All the better for me as I will surely steal it as soon as I'm hard up for a joke.

The post was even more enlightening for the sunset picture. I'll admit it, I took stock of my life. 

Today I passed by the most popular homeless person in New York City. I saw her yesterday in the exact same spot and everytime  she is talking to someone who is clearly considering giving her money. It helps that she is 25, gorgeous, and not that dirty. Plus she has a cat. A streets to stardom inspirational biography waiting to happen. So. Unfair.

XOXO
Becki

I say I'm not crazy - You say I believe you... (TomaeTo/ToMAto)


Hi Becki! Hi loyal fans who would surely stalk us if they didn't have so much respect and admiration!


Way to get a jump start on the bloogiebloo.


Potential Quandry here:


I have been carrying this, "TomaeTo/ToMAHto" query around with me for some months, since one day in our kitchen I was rocking out to this Tomato/Tomato-nondistinctive, when my lover, let's call him "Dre" (as in, the Dr.), looked at me with utter horror, it was as if my brain had fallen out of my head, onto whatever respect he had for me, and smushed the basis of our relationship on the condo floor. I mean seriously, he either thought I was mentally handicapped or had gone off the deep end.

What I am saying is, I told him it was from a movie, and he said, "oh yeah..." then he asked me which one, and of course I couldn't remember, and now no one can remember!

So when you, your beau - let's call him "Fawn" (as in a baby deer), myself and Dre were discussing this over lunch the other day I couldn't help but feel that I was trapping you all in a big lie. I was struck by the strongest urge to laugh and point as you all as you tried to remember the origin of this phantom joke.

Sadistic or Brilliant? Honest query or internal quandry?

This might be a confession... then again, it might be me thinking I am the funny person when i'm actually stealing credit from a movie that was published long ago.


Ok, I feel a little better.

-Jennifur

Monday, June 30, 2008

I Say Tomato, You Say Tomato.

WRONG!

Dear loyal reader, 

Thank you for your time scouring the internet and happening upon this secret blog.
I am up late because I am super-super 1 hour jetlagged from visiting my counterpart, Jennifur, in Chicago + freaking out because I'm flying home in 1 day and must accomplish about 1000 things including an 8 hour work day tomorrow + THIS:

Let's just jump right in with QUERY, shall we?

WHAT (Movie, we assume) IS THE FOLLOWING SCENARIO FROM???

A person (possibly a woman) sings along (probably to self, definitely with a foreign accent) "You say tomato, and I say tomato..." (the joke being that said person doesn't understand or can't differentiate the vowels enough to produce the original tomaTOE toMATah  joke). Then there may or may not be another person to perceive this hysterical/endearing/creepy moment and who might or might not make a comment about it. Probably a one-liner. 

Hmmm? Hmmmmmmmm??? Sound familiar?
I had the brilliant idea, just 6 short hours from being up for work, that it was almost definitely Hank Azaria's character from The Birdcage. --The one and only movie that reduced me to a  sentimental sobfest while riding an elliptical --- BUT nothing surfaced on Google to confirm. And Google is God. 


I will not get any sleep tonight.

Smooches, 
Becki